Week 14, Day 6 - I've been a naughty blogger :(

I know, I know... it's been nearly 2 weeks since I've blogged :(  Don't worry... I've been doing nearly all of my runs :) Now here I am at the end of week 14 - which means I'm nearly 1/2 way through my training program and to tell the truth there's been so much going on in my little land, I wasn't quite sure I've wanted to write it all down just yet. 

First we'll talk about today's 7 mile run in Portland which started at the Marina, down the waterfront to Burnside to Broadway, then up Broadway to Terwilliger to Barbur.  7 miles was a new distance for me since I've started running again and a new long distance for my running buddy Marie.  Once again, we ran the route of the Shamrock run which is a really tough ginormous hill.  However, today's source of difficulty was actually weather.  It was 38 degrees and raining hard, but it was the type of rain which you could tell would be snow if only it was a few degrees colder.  The rain came down in big gloppy puddles to splash on us and the wind chilled all our wet spots as we ran into it.  I've come to realize the jacket I purchased a few weeks ago isn't very good for running despite the tag saying so.  It certainly keeps the rain out, but there's virtually no ventilation so it gets really hot inside and I can hardly wear it for more than the first mile of a run.  So today, I was in a cotton long sleeve T.  I kept thinking of my backpacking class "Professor" saying, "Cotton Kills!!!" because it keeps cold and wet for a long time increasing your susceptibility to hypothermia (yes, my University allowed us to take a Backpacking "class" for credit as a sport).  By the end of the 7 miles I was freezing and very thankful for my foresight to have left a dry shirt in my car to change into. 

I was a little worried about running with Marie today, because as I've noted on several entries, the woman is fast like lightning - especially on hills.  On last week's 6 mile ran she was so fast that I actually lost sight of her around mid run!  Thankfully, due to her inner Californian being developmentally unused to the snow, she got cold enough that she had a hard time running and I was actually able to keep her within sight for most of the run and was even able to pass her... it was only for a hot second, but it did wonders for my confidence level :)  (is that wrong of me to think like that?  You know I love you Marie!)   I couldn't help myself from thinking of the old fable of the tortoise and the hare.

Despite the cold rain, tough hills and length of the run, we finished with a strong 10:46 min/mile pace which I'm really proud of.  Also, we had gotten stuck at a few traffic lights, so I don't feel too bad about shaving off 10 of those seconds to say our pace was closer to 10:36 min/mile.  Yay us :) 

Next week Marie, Michelle and myself will be running the Ft. Vancouver 10K.  I'm excited for my first real chipped race in preparation for the Marathon.  AAAAnnnd.....Registration is still open if anyone feels like joining us:
http://energyevents.com/fortvancouverrun


So what's going on in my head?  a lot:
1) work -
I really love my new job.  I enjoy the work itself, my new co-workers, the schedule and especially the nice weekly paycheck :)  However, I'm flippin exhausted. I now have2 days to do all the things that I used to have 5 days for AND I have both kids in tow for everything.  I haven't yet had a single morning or afternoon to lay low and even vaguely relax.  So, even though I've been doing most of my running, by the end of the day I just don't seem to have the energy to sit down and blog.  Hell... I've barely check my e-mail in 5 weeks!  I'm going to try to do a better job about blogging.  I've had 4 people chastise me about it within 24 hours and it made me realize how irresponsible I've been by disappointing my 'fans' :)

2) sleep
Lilah is back to keeping us up all night again.  She had a cold for several weeks and ended up back in our bed due to our own anxieties :(  Lately, she comes into bed around 2am, then tosses and turns until it's time to wake up at 7am.  Last night I decided to dig in my heals and start sleep training again.  She woke at 3am and I let her cry it out for nearly 90 minutes, but she won the battle and ended up back in our bed. I'm hoping that by the time she goes to college, she won't want to sleep with us anymore.

3) diet
I was trying to continue doing South Beach Diet and when that failed, I was trying to just cut out carbs... but the truth is I was feeling pretty run down most of the time.  I even started taking Multi-Vitamins again to try to get some more energy.  However, I guess my body needs fried chicken and wine to function reasonably.  Somewhere between working again, not getting sleep and running a lot, I need to eat DAMMIT!!!  I've seriously been feeling like Chris Farley in this old SNL skit:

So, I guess the diet is on hold for now.

4) Runner's Lull
I have no idea if this is a real thing, but I do know it's a Nomi thing.  I feel as though I'm always getting excited about something and I start into some process, then I get bored and bail on the whole thing.  I don't know if it's true, but it's one of those things I feel about myself, i.e. the Diastasis training, dieting, being a Doula.  Yet, I always seem to find a reasonable excuse for why I can't continue on, i.e.  I can't diet and run at the same time!?!?!?.....so I quit.  Lately, I just haven't really felt like running, then I'll forget my shoes at home one day, or get busy with a project on another day, and before I know it I haven't run on a single Thursday in 6 weeks.  Maybe it really is because I'm so busy at work, or still not sleeping, or just having a hard time motivating myself, but this is the part where I wonder if this is the beginning of the end for yet another commitment I've made.  Am I going to start coming up with more and more reasonable excuses for not running?   I don't want to quit, but lately it's becoming more of a struggle to actually get my shoes on my feet.   AND.... of course the kicker is that I generally feel so awesome at the end of my run that I get mad at myself for knowing I almost didn't go.  
5) Confidence -
Last week I ran with two amazing friends and they totally smoked me.  It's embarrassing to admit how embarrassed I actually was to be unable to keep up with them.  Logically I'm well aware everyone runs at different speeds, we all have off days, that my goal in this whole process is simply to cross the finish line uninjured and WHO CARES how long it takes me?!?!?  However, after my run last week I questioned whether I really had the proverbial cajones to run a marathon.  I was able to keep up for nearly the first 3 miles, but then they pulled away and a few minutes later were completely out of sight.  Running so slowly and so far behind my friends made me think the most terrible thoughts about myself... that I'm fat and dumpy and if I can't keep up with my friends, then I obviously have no reason to think I could possible fulfil the massive undertaking of running a marathon.  It made me feel like a fool to think I could and a fraud for telling people I was going to even try (let alone blog about it).  My sister says this is the very reason why she doesn't want to run with anyone.... because when she runs alone she feels on top of the world, but running with someone else simply reminds her of her own self perceived inadequacies.  But, what do you do when you fall off a horse?  You get back on!!  Although I wouldn't really know due to my fear of horses, you get the jist.  And I went out again with 'Marie the Nimble' and actually managed to hold my own :)

Wow... this was actually harder to write down than I thought it would be.  And please don't worry for me....somewhere between all the things going on in my life and my head, I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to keep running and moving towards my goal and I'm going to kick the Marathon's ass even if I come in last place. 

I'm also fairly certain my lack of blogging is simply a symptom of the larger disease of self doubt.... If no one notices my non-blogging, then no one will notice my non-marathoning - right? So, if you notice me slacking on my blog again, please feel free to yell at me :)  Much like running, sometimes it's hard to start writing, but once I start I find the process enjoyable and am always happy to have finished another entry.